Sad Dog Diary | eJOY English
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Dear Diary - It has occurred to me today that my dearest human has never sniffed my backside
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I must bond with him in different ways
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Like my father always used to say, if you want someone to look you in the eye make sure that your mouth smells exactly like your butt
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It's difficult to argue with that logic
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and so I have eaten some rotting earthworms in preparation for my dear human's return, as well as one of his socks.
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Dear Diary - it's not so much that I miss my testicles, I know it's a right of passage in our pack
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and I'm sure that my dearest human has had his removed as well
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but when that one bulldog comes to the dog park and parades his testicles around I can't help but notice how Ginger looks at them
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I love Ginger.
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to be fair I will admit he has a fine smelling butthole
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Dear Diary-- the cat is a curious magical creature
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It's as if a teddybear mated with a cactus and it's much less fun to play with then it would appear
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and yet it poops delicious candy into a box of pee flavored sprinkles
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Dearest human guards these treats jealously, often harvesting them into a barrel, but I will admit that I sneak one from time to time
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They are delicious, forgive me.
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Dear Diary-- this is the 733rd day that I have tried to test what cat swore to me was true
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namely, that if you hump anything long enough you will find a vagina
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so far the results have been mixed, my dearest human's leg vagina has not revealed itself, however
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I'm almost certain that I felt something on the brown teddy bear
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more tests are needed
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Dear Diary-- I have yet to see my dearest human poop anywhere, I suspect he may not know how
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I have resolved to teach him when we patrol the neighborhood each day in search of man with hats and beards
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It is embarrassing to do in public but he must learn somehow, I fear he will die of constipation If don't succeed
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fortunately my dearest human seems to show some interest and is now collecting my feces in a small bag. Soon.
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Dear Diary, I must be more careful when licking my genitals
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my dearest human seems sensitive about it, most likely because he is incapable of licking his own
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as always I am in awe of his ability to be so noble
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despite what I can imagine are filthy, filthy genitals. He hides them everyday.
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Dear Diary, today I have added a fourth circle to my pre-pooping ritual.
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As before the first circle is to verify that I do in fact need to poop
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the second is to check for gremlins and men with beards and hats
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the third is to re-verify my need for pooping, and now the fourth is to honor my newly deceased toy
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stuffed lama rest in peace, I didn't mean to shake your head off.
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Dear Diary, I told the cat about how my dearest human has promoted me, teaching me to shake
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so I can participate in his business dealings
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however, cat pointed out that I am often unaware of what I am shaking on
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for example, when I shook the neighbors hand this morning, I have no clue what I agreed to, none.
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Cat says this is how the devil buys souls, I will pee on the bed for comfort.
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Dear Diary, my dearest human asked me where the ball was when it was clearly in plain sight
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I brought it over and he threw it even farther away
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then asked me where it was and was very happy when I brought it again
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perhaps a metaphor?
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Dearest human leaves each day and I am happy when he returns
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wait, maybe he is the ball and I am dearest human
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this is too much, I must pee on the bed.
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Sad Dog Diary

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Guide
4
High Intermediate
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Entertainment
the sad thoughts of sad dogs
Vocabulary in this video
11 words
28 words
4 words
4 words
31 words
12 words
3 words
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