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it was very difficult for me to figure
out where my boundaries were because
I've grown up poor and didn't have
anything
I can't quit this job because this is
what everybody else wants to do
and if I quit this job what am I going
to do what we all want is to be able to
live out the truest highest expression
of ourselves when people show you who
they are believe them the first time
hello bleep nation its Evan my one word
is believe and I believe in people more
than they believe in themselves and my
sincere hope is that if you see in
yourself what I see in you you'll be
able to change the planet so to help you
on your journey today we're going to
learn from entrepreneur talk show host
and philanthropist Oprah Winfrey and my
take on her top ten rules of success
volume three
rule number six is my personal favorite
and I'd love to know which one you guys
like the best also as you're watching if
you hear something that really resonates
with you please leave it down in the
comments below about quotes around it so
other people can be inspired by it as
well and if you leave it within the
first couple hours of this video going
live you have a chance to win one of two
daily prizes
you know cuz when I first started making
money and it was you know my salary or
my earnings were published all over the
place I mean the first year I was like
really loving that much money oh my god
it was very difficult for me to figure
out where my boundaries were because I
grown up poor and didn't have anything
so it's easy when you don't have
anything that people ask you for money
and they say I need five hundred and I
don't have it because I'm just trying to
get my rent paid it's harder when you're
multi billion dollar salary is now in
the paper and you get a lot of friends
and cousins you didn't have before so
how do you set boundaries for yourself I
was having trouble setting boundaries
myself for myself for even strangers
people would just show up at my door in
Chicago and they over I live mothers and
please help me and I would because she
knows I haven't so don't try that now
though okay don't try that now I figured
it out
so what I learned was is that oh the
reason why people keep showing up is
because my intention is to make them
think that I'm such a nice person that
you can ask me for anything you can get
me to do anything I'm going to say yes
I'm going to say yes so when Stevie
called me this time I thought I try out
my first no on Stevie let's start big he
wanted me to donate some money to a
charity and I didn't want to donate to
the charity because I have my own
charities and I care about a lot of
people but the problem is when you you
have money everybody thinks you just
want to give to everything so every
letter I ever get starts with we know
you love the children yes I do love the
children but somebody else is going to
have to help the children
so I said to Stevie I said to Stevie no
and as a person who has that disease too
please I was waiting for him then just
to say I will never speak to you again I
will never call you I will never sing a
song for you and he didn't he just said
okay okay
okay it's okay he said okay check you
later and what I learned for that is
many times you will have angst and worry
about things and put yourself in a state
like someone said this morning cuz their
phone went off they were mortified over
a phone I said really you will put
yourself in a state when the other
person really isn't even thinking about
you so learning that I could
specifically determine for myself what
the boundaries were for me what I wanted
to do give my money give my time give of
my service to who I wanted to give it to
when I did that I get to make that
decision and just because you get a
hundred requests a week doesn't mean you
have to try to fulfill all of that just
because you have all
these demands on your time and on you
doesn't mean that you have to say yes
you get to decide because you're the
master of your fate the captain of your
soul is William Ernest Henley said in
Invictus an understanding that really
changed the meaning of my life in that I
was not no longer driven by what other
people wanted me to do but took charge
of my own destiny making choices based
upon what do I feel is the next right
move for me Quincy Jones had I would not
even say an important role I would say V
role in my acting career Quincy Jones
discovered me and it's so interesting to
me because when I was working as a
television news woman in Baltimore and
really all I wanted to do was be in
actors but I was doing television and I
felt at the time well I I can't quit
this job because this is what everybody
else wants to do
and if I quit this job what am I going
to do um and I was going to a speech
coach at the time that the station had
sent me to they you know they ever the
broadcasting school they sent everybody
the same woman and I was telling her you
know I really don't want to do this what
I really want to do is act and she says
my dear you don't want to act because if
you wanted to actually be doing it but
you want to be my Diaz a star because if
you wanted to actually be waiting tables
in New York you bit my thought now why
am I gonna wait tables of are already
working in TV so I said well when I
think is going to happen is I will be
discovered because I wanted so badly
somebody's going to have to discover me
and she said you just dream your dream
your dream er so when it happened I
called her up said you will not bow when
poof discovered and it really was a
discovery it's like one of those who
Lana Turner serves only I wasn't a
drugstore he was uh in his hotel room
saw me on TV it was unbelievable the
interesting thing about that is that I
believe that thought are the greatest
vehicle to change power
and success in the world everything
begins with thought I mean the chairs
that were sitting in the room that were
in all started because somebody thought
it so I thought up the color purple for
myself
I know this is going to sound strange to
you I read the book I got so many copies
of that book
I passed the book around everybody I
knew if I was on the bus I'd pass it out
to people and when I heard that there
was going to be a movie I started I
started talking it up for myself I did
know Quincy Jones or Steven Spielberg or
how on earth I would get in this movie
I've never acted in my life but I I felt
it so intensely that I had to be a part
of that movie I just I really do believe
I created it for myself I wanted it more
than anything in the world and would
have done anything to do it anything to
do it
turn your wound into wisdom you will be
wounded many times in your life you'll
make mistakes some people will call them
failures but I have learned that
failures is really God's Way of saying
excuse me you're moving in the wrong
direction it's just an experience
so the experience just an experience I
remember being taken off the air in
Baltimore being told that I was no
longer be being fit for television and
that I could not anger the news because
I used to go out on the stories and my
own truth was even though I'm not a
weeper
I would cry for the people in the
stories and which really wasn't very
effective as a news reporter to be
covered afire and crying cuz the people
lost her house and it wasn't until they
I was demoted as a on-air anchorwoman
and thrown into the talk-show arena to
get rid of me that I allowed my own
truth to come through and the first day
I was on the air doing my first talk
show back in 1978 it felt like breathing
which is what your true passion should
feel like it should be so natural to you
and so I took what had been a mistake
what had been perceived as a failure
with my career as an anchorwoman in the
news business and turned it into a
talk-show career that's done okay for me
what drives you to keep working so hard
you could you know you and I are in the
60s category and so when you're in your
60s you know you've lived more than
you're going to live yeah a listicle e
so when you realize you live more than
you going to live you can say why not
relax a little bit why not just ease up
why have you decided to even work harder
than you did before because I think
David that everybody you know the thing
that works for me all these years
whether it was the magazine or which I
still have or whether it was the show I
could I understood that there's a common
denominator in the human experience and
I want the same thing you want which is
the same thing you want and you want
what we all want is to be able to live
out the truest highest expression of
ourselves as a human being that doesn't
end until you take your last breath
what is the truest highest vision that
you hold for yourself no matter where
you are in your life there's always the
next level there's always the next level
to the last breath so I feel that I
always knew
I would get be done with the show when I
felt like oh I've said as much as I
could say here on this platform and then
how will I be used if they were the
Ferrer theme song to my life
Amazing Grace would be one of them and
keep on using me to use me up would be
another one you know that bill where
their songs are long so I feel that
until you have used your value as a
human being you're not done when I first
started as a broadcaster I was 19 very
insecure thrown into television
pretending to be Barbara Walters looking
nothing like her and still going to
college so I do all my classes in the
morning from 8:00 to 1:00 and then the
afternoon I work from 2:00 to 10:00 and
did the 6 o'clock news and would stay up
and study and all that stuff that you
know until 1 2 or 3 o'clock in the
morning and then just start the routine
all over again
and my classmates were so jealous of me
that I remember like taking my little
hundred and fifteen dollar paycheck and
at the time I thought was really a lot
but taking a hundred fifty dollars and
trying to appease them I would like
alway anytime you money needed money I
was always offering all you need ten
dollars or taking them out for pizza or
in pizza for the class and things like
that trying to that hole disease -
please that's where it was the worst for
me I think because I wanted to be
accepted by them and could not be
because first of all I didn't have the
time they wanted me to pledge and I
didn't have the time to pledge I was I
didn't have the time to be a part of all
the other college activities or a part
of that whole lifestyle and it was very
difficult for me socially really one of
the worst times of my life because I was
trying to fit in in school and be a part
of that culture but also trying to build
a career in television it's very
difficult for me to even see myself as
successful because I still see myself as
in the process of becoming successful to
me successful is getting to the point
where you are absolutely comfortable
with yourself and it does not matter how
many things you have acquired the
ability to learn to say no and not to
feel guilty about it to me is about the
greater
to success I have achieved the fact that
I have you know in the public side done
whatever is fine it's all a part of a
process for growing for me but to me to
have the in the kind of internal
strength and internal courage it takes
to say no I will not let you treat me
this way is what success is all about
it's the same thing that prevents you
from being abused as a child that
prevents you from being abused as an
adult that allows you to build success
for yourself I will not be treated this
way I demand only the best for myself
you are worthy to say no you work that
it's okay if you say no it's okay if you
say no and then people don't like you
that's really okay the important thing
is how you feel about what you're doing
how you feel about yourself it's a long
struggle though it's a long struggle and
I'm just hoping that you know in the
work that I do on the show and the
speaking that I do around the country
and that young people who are watching
this can get the lesson sooner than I
did because it's painful because you
keep repeating it over and over and over
until you get it right and what I found
is that every time you have to repeat
the lesson it gets worse because it's
you know it's I call it God trying to
get your attention universe trying to
get your attention so we didn't get your
attention the first time so we're gonna
have to hit you a little harder this
time so I'm still doing it I'm still
learning create the highest grandest
vision possible for your life because
you become what you believe when I was a
little girl
Mississippi growing up on the farm only
buckwheat is a role model watching my
grandmother boil clothes and a big iron
pot through the screen door because we
didn't have a washing machine and made
everything we had I watched her and
realized somehow inside myself and the
spirit of myself that although this was
segregated Mississippi and I was colored
and female that my life could be bigger
greater than what I saw I remember being
4 or 5 years old I certainly couldn't
articulate it but it was a feeling
and the feeling that I allowed myself to
follow I allowed myself to follow
because if you were to ask me what is
the secret to my success it is because I
understand that there is a Power greater
than myself that rules my life and in
life in life if you can be still long
enough in all of your endeavors and the
good times the hard times to connect
yourself to the source I call it God you
can call it whatever you want to the
force nature Allah the power if you can
connect yourself to the source and allow
the energy that is your personality your
lifeforce to be connected to the greater
force anything is possible for you I am
proof of that I think that my life the
fact that I was born where I was born
and the time that I was and have been
able to do what I've done
speaks to the possibility not that I am
special but that it could be done I
remember when I started the school that
I said to my beloved friend Maya Angelou
said Maya I'm so I'm so proud that I was
able to create the school I said this is
going to be my greatest legacy and Maya
said to me you have no idea you have no
idea what your legacy will be she said
to me because your legacy is every life
you've touched and that shifted the way
I saw legacy or what you leave behind or
what you do because Maya was explaining
to me that you know over all the years
of watching your show everybody who
decided that they were going to go back
to school or lose weight or no longer
hit their children or get out of a bad
marriage all of those people who have
seen and experienced your voice and the
same thing with everybody here you have
no idea what your legacy will be your
legacy is every life that you've touched
and we like to think of it I know you
have done amazing things with your
philanthropy we'd like to think that
these great philanthropic moments are
the ones that lead
the impact or will make the huge
difference in the world but it's really
what you do every day it's how you use
your life to be a light to somebody
else's you know and it's how you use
your work as an expression of your own
art whatever that is my intention in
creating masterclass came from the
understanding that everybody's story is
the same all stories are connected and
there is nothing that anyone who's
living on earth has ever felt or known
or experienced on a soul level that
hasn't been felt or known or experienced
by someone else one of the most
difficult things in life is feeling that
you are the only one you are the only
one who's travelled this path has felt
this way I had nowhere to go I was
homeless at the time I lost my family
next thing I know I'm in this car for
three years for him I'm struggling
who's experienced such devastation or
joy or triumph or victory so for me I
define a master as someone who has fully
stepped in and owned the full progress
and trajectory of their life persistence
pays off that's lesson one but hearing
stories told from the mouths of people
who know how to live how to
course-correct
how to keep going how to never quit how
to rejoice in the good times and have
faith in the bag
those people are masters anyone who can
do that is a master and their ability to
share their stories only helps the
trajectory of others who listen what I
learned going to beauty salon and asking
them after the news director had told me
that my hair was too thick and my eyes
are too far apart and I needed a
makeover and sitting in a beauty salon
in a French beauty salon allowing them
to put a French perm on my black hair
and having the term burn through my
cerebral cortex and not being the woman
that I am now so not having the courage
to say this is a barn in me and coming
out a week later bald and having to go
on the air you learn a lot about
yourself when you're black and a woman
involved and trying to be an anchorwoman
you look you learn you not Diana Ross
and that you're not Barbara Walter is
trying to be I was at the time I had a
lot of lessons
I remember going on the air many times
and not reading my copy ahead of time
and I was on the air one night and ran
across the word VAR ba D OS that maybe
barbatus to you but it was Barbados to
me that night
and telling the story as an egg a woman
about a vote in absentia California I
thought it was located near San
Francisco
and one of the worst one of the worst
this is when I broke out of my barber
shell because I'm sitting there crossing
my legs trying to talk like Barbara be
like Barbara and I was reading a story
about someone with a blaze attitude
which if I had gone to Wellesley I would
have known it was blase and I started to
laugh at myself on the air and broke
through my Barbara shell and had decided
on that day that laughing was okay even
though Barbara happened at that time
and it was through my series of mistakes
that I learned that I could be a better
Oprah than I could be a better Barbara
and I allowed Barbara to be the mentor
for me as she always has been and I
decided then to try to pursue the idea
of being myself and I am just thrilled
that I get paid so much every day for
just just being myself but it was a
lesson long in coming recognizing that I
had the instinct that the inner voice
that told me that you need to try to
find a way to answer to your own truth
was the voice I needed to be still and
listen to get this this is just remember
this because this will happen many times
your life when the people show you who
they are believe them the first time not
the 29th time that's particularly good
when it comes to men situations because
when he doesn't call back the first time
when you're mistreated the first time
when you see someone who shows you a
lack of integrity or dishonesty the
first time know that that will be
followed by many many many other times
that will at some point in life come
back to haunt or hurt you when people
show you who they are believe them the
first time live your life from a point
of view of truth and you will live your
life from truth and you will survive
everything everything I believe even
death you will survive everything if you
can live your life from a point of view
of truth close your eyes for a moment
will you please and breathe with me
just close your eyes and if you will put
your thumb to your middle finger and
gather your other fingers around and
let's feel the vibration and pulse of
your personal energy as you take three
deep breaths with me inhale
and as you exhale just feel the
vibration energy blood pulsating through
your body through you and another inhale
and another inhale and keep your eyes
closed and let's just think about this
day this day that you have been graced
to breathe in and out thousands of times
this day where many of those breasts
were taken for granted you just expected
the next one to come but the truth is
there's no guarantee that the next one
comes this day how you started your day
what your thoughts were this morning how
you've carried yourself through this day
how you've been allowed to have
encounters and experiences some
challenging some more life enhancing
that push you forward another day
of being here on the planet Earth as a
human being just think about that after
all you've been through and this day
alone and the many days and years passed
how you got here to this prestigious
esteemed University the choices you made
that have brought you to this day open
your heart and quietly to yourself say
the only prayer that's ever needed thank
you thank you
thank you you're still here and you get
another chance this day to do better and
be better another chance to become more
of who you were created and what you
were created to fulfill thank you
thank you guys so much for watching I
made this video because Charlene Benton
asked me to if there's someone you like
better profile in their future top ten
please check out the link down in the
description below and you can cast your
vote on who we should do next I also
want to give a quick shout out to Megan
Lofton Megan thank you so much for
picking up a copy of my book your one
word and doing the review and post it on
your YouTube channel as well I really
really really appreciate so I really
really really appreciate the support and
I'm so glad you enjoyed the book thank
you guys again for watching I believe in
you I hope you continue to believe in
yourself and whatever your one word is
much love I'll see you soon
I have paid attention to my life because
I understand that my life just like your
life is always speaking to you where you
are in the language with the people with
the circumstances and experiences that
you can understand and interpret if you
are willing to see that always life God
is speaking to you now it took me a
while to actually really get this and to
understand it but once I did I started
paying attention to everything and one
of the reasons why I can now accept the
fact that I can offer my gatherings of
information and wisdom and call myself a
spiritual teacher is that every single
person who ever came on my show and I
hear there's like 37,000 guests I've
talked to a lot of them came from
dysfunction and a lot of them wouldn't
appear to be teachers but every one of
them had something to say that was
meaningful and valuable and that I could
use to grow myself into the best of
myself which is what all of our jobs are
your number one job is to become more of
yourself and to grow yourself into the
best of yourself
how do you stay fresh and how do you
like what can you attribute staying in
the bees for so long
I think every year you're trying to
reinvent yourself and you stay in touch
with what other people are doing
thinking feeling I have always felt that
my instinct and ability to connect with
the audience was what carried us every
day after the show now I do something
called after the show which airs on
oxygen
I have spent for the past 16 years a
half an hour an hour just talking to
people so my audience comes from a
cross-section around the country so I
get I stay connected to what the real
people are thinking and doing and want
so anyway as I've grown
folder I've learned to appreciate living
in the moment and I ask that you do -
I've asked I'm asking this graduating
class those of you here I've asked all
of my viewers in America and across the
world to do this one thing keep a
grateful Journal every night list five
things that happened this day in days to
come that you are grateful for what it
will begin to do is to change your
perspective of your day and your life I
believe that if you can learn to focus
on what you have you will always see
that the universe is abundant and you
will have more if you concentrate and
focus in your life on what you don't
have you will never have enough be
grateful keep a journal you all are all
over my journal tonight
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Video info
Vocabulary"You Become What You #Believe!" - Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey's Top 10 Rules For Success: In this video we're going to learn how to improve our lives by analyzing our take on Oprah's rules for success.
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